I don’t love my son. And I am tired of hurting him – A postpartum Depressed woman Calls out For help.

The birth of a baby can trigger a jumble of powerful emotions, from excitement and joy to fear and anxiety. But it can also result in something you might not expect — depression.

Most new moms experience postpartum “baby blues” after childbirth, which commonly include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety and difficulty sleeping. Baby blues typically begin within the first two to three days after delivery, and may last for up to two weeks.

But some new moms experience a more severe, long-lasting form of depression known as postpartum depression. Rarely, an extreme mood disorder called postpartum psychosis also may develop after childbirth.

Revelation by a woman who goes by the name Wanja Kavengi on her Facebook page was a talk on the interweb after opening up on her battle with postpartum depression. Wanja stated that the condition caused her hate her son from the time she was pregnant. The now 8 year old boy has immensely suffered as he has never been loved by her mother. Wanja who blames herself for the the unfortunate turn of events stated her mother is the only person who shows the boy love and affection.

“I have never established a connection with my son. I was depressed throughout his pregnancy; I didn’t want him. I was depressed after his birth; I didn’t want him. I was depressed while raising him; I didn’t want him. He felt like a bother, like a burden, like an unwanted guest in my house, a painful thorn under my sole. I wasn’t able to love him like a parent would a child. I created emotional distance between us and never offered him compassion and warmth. I shouted at him all the time. I refused to understand him. I was cold. I neglected him and never prioritised him.” Wanja opened up in her long Facebook post

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depressed woman
Facebook Cover Photo of Wanja Kavengi With Her Son. [SOURCE: FACEBOOK]
Wanja would then reveal that because of the disconnect, her son never calls her mum but instead calls her by her real name, all these casting a blame on herself.

“I ignored him from the day he was born. I have been unkind to him, treated everyone else kindly and been mean to him. I have kept a great distance from him. He doesn’t even call me “mum” anymore. He calls me Wanja like everyone else. Because instead of treating him like my child, I’ve treated him like everyone else. It is not once that curious people have enquired if he is my pesky little brother because we don’t have a mother-child bond.” She stated.

Wanja sympathizes with his 8 year old son who has grown up with a lot of mistreatment from the mother. Wanja now says that this has resulted in the son growing up with anger.

“Anyone can see he is an angry eight-year-old. He has a deep seated anger in him, a perfect reflection of the anger I have had for him, anger that I felt for myself. I refuse to face my own anger and unleash it onto him. I blame him for my own insecurities. I blame him for my own mistakes. I punish him for how my life has turned out. I have solely made him an anxious, cantankerous child.” Wanja stated.

Wanja went on to appeal for help as she has tried to express her feelings towards her son but all in vain. She wonders how long it takes before one can overcome postpartum depression.

“I don’t love my son. And I am tired of hurting him.” Wanja painfully concluded in her post.

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Many went on to try and comfort her with many advising her to seek medical help.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a complex mix of physical, emotional, and behavioral changes that happen in some women after giving birth. According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental disorders, PPD is a form of major depression that begins within 4 weeks after delivery. The diagnosis of postpartum depression is based not only on the length of time between delivery and onset, but also on the severity of the depression. Wedmd research stated.

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